I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
