dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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