Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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