i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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