took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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