Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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