Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
