I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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