i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
