But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I looked at my own cervix.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's blow job season.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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