K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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