Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do herpes really smell.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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