All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
