A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
