i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Randomize
