So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
