She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
