You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
