Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
