You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
