dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
