That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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