You just made me feel so damn special
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
