he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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