I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Walk of Shame today included voting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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