Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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