just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
