I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
