Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
