He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
