drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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