and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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