Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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