dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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