I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
