my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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