we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
