I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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