He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
