This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
