well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
