your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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