hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize