so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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