"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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