he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
