I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
