I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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