I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
