i may or may not be watching the land before time
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots