We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You took a bar mat shot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
