Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife

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(661): What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife http://tfl.nu/wigu

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(248): View more from Michigan

i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

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(248): i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards" http://tfl.nu/4vzr

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(631): View more from New York

Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s

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(631): Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s http://tfl.nu/25cx

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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(780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz

Replies (37) Good night (4735) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.

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(603): My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state. http://tfl.nu/6i4f

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(646): View more from New York

I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"

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(646): I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive" http://tfl.nu/8zeu

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(208): View more from Idaho

aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

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(208): aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it. http://tfl.nu/sbum

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq

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(201): View more from New Jersey

the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

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(201): the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do http://tfl.nu/8wsa

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(304): View more from West Virginia

You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.

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(304): You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar. http://tfl.nu/zoyd

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.

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(506): My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out. http://tfl.nu/qizv

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(910): View more from North Carolina

once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.

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(910): once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits. http://tfl.nu/8psa

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(973): View more from New Jersey

St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

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(973): St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition) http://tfl.nu/fbpq

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(307): View more from Wyoming

The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.

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(307): The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin. http://tfl.nu/jijz

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(801): View more from Utah

I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!

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(801): I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner! http://tfl.nu/dody

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