a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.