i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.