I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
