Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
