you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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