everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
