is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
