Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
