i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
