You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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