Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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