does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
