Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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