I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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