what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
