at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
