I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
