3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
