just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
