Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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