david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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