I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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