think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
