it hurts more in the daytime
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
