I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
