maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize